Monday, December 6, 2010

It's Been Forever.

A lot has happened in 2010. A lot of bad and a lot of good, but it all has just been a growing learning experience. In the spring I moved back to Norman after almost two full years of living in the DFW area. Since I still wasn't finding a job of interest (gotta love that economy!), I started hair school at Duncan Brothers at the beginning of August. I'm absolutely loving it. I've met some really awesome girls in such a short period of time. I've also had the pleasure of doing several photoshoots with Bill Richards of Okie Studios, as well as several other photographers. I've just started a page on the new social network for models, photographers, and artists of other types, SparkDaddy. Check me out! Anyway back to watching Castle and searching for casting calls...

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Music Makes You Smile.

I've discovered Pandora. I knew it existed and I'd heard other people listen to it at work or wherever, but I normally just create my own lists through Project Playlist. However on my third try I found a "station" that will definitely work. I typed in Human by the Killers and it created "Human Radio," which I find rather amusing and rather accurate. It plays all sorts of songs I love in a playlist that sounds like something I created without all that work and it never runs out either!

I keep starting blog posts and not finishing them until a day or two later. When that happens I just don't even feel like finishing them and just push that "publish post" button. Yesterday I didn't finish the one from Sunday and I guess at some point today I'll get in there add my photos and push that button. I keep getting too preoccupied to post the photos that go with my posts. Not that you care and not that I know of anyone that actually reads this on a regular basis. If anyone does though, I guess you're kind of like my free therapist that doesn't have to hear any anger or gripping that never makes it into these.

Speaking of, yesterday was kind of rough. I was supposed to call the insurance people to see if I was covered again so I can go get the prescriptions I've not yet been able to pick up. I was going to go to the health food store, post office and finish some stuff to ship off to The Art Center in New York. Now I need to do that stuff today, which isn't a big deal except I really just want to go out with people today but I think everyone's busy and I just saw Patrick yesterday.

Seeing him was the good part of my day. I don't think I've laughed so much in a long time. It was fun and happy and good. We went to this yummy little Italian place that I can't remember the name of over in Dallas. He'd just been laying in bed all morning (like I've done today) and I told him that I didn't know of anywhere specific to go between there and here so I just went over to his place and then he picked a place to go. He lives in these swanky little apartments with his brother. They're really cool. Almost kind of makes me want to live in Dallas. They were right in the middle and really close to SMU. I don't know but lately I've really felt like I want to go back to school. I'm not completely sure what I'd go for, but I kind of want to go get my masters. I'd always said I wanted to and wasn't sure when I would.

Anyway we had pesto pasta with yummy sourdough bread. They had these big wooden tables there with cute little pots of mint and rosemary on every table with little lamps and bottle of oil and balsamic vinegar. There was so much light and it was just this place that made you carefree and able to actually breath. They had this amazing stove system where you could the burners would be super hot when you put a pan in them to cook, but the moment you took the pan off you could touch the burner and wouldn't get burned. I'm not sure how that works, but it was pretty neat.

We were originally going to just go get coffee and while I've not had a cup of coffee in a while and have been starting to crave one, neither of us had eaten and I thought it'd be better to go to lunch, so that's what we did. I remembered to take my camera and still no pictures. I'm a bad little scrapbooker. I don't know what my deal is because I used to take photos of everything and now it's like my camera just takes up space and I have all these memories that slowly fade away into oblivion over time because I forget to pull that camera out of my purse.

We just talked about everything. Siblings, sex, food, and just general hanging out talk. I've not smiled that much in a long time. We didn't really get to be friends until a couple months before we both left TWG, but I'm glad we did regardless of whether we saw each other much at work. He's the sort of person you can just talk to and speak your mind. He's got great advice and he doesn't judge you. It took a while but I finally found someone I can say anything to and smile the whole time down here in Dallas. Don't get me wrong, Texas still rubs me the wrong way, but it's not as bad knowing I have a good friend close by.

The apartments are set up similar to that hotel we stayed at on the band and orchestra trip to San Diego in high school where the pool is there in the middle but in this case the apts. only stacked up two stories tall. They even had the palm trees and a hot tub. It was raining while I was there, but that hot tub and I have a date. I love hot tubs and having a beer and just relaxing in the hot tub letting it release all that tension in my upper back sounds like a good way to spend some of my time.

I wound up leaving a little after five and was afraid I'd get stuck in traffic but it really was't too bad once I got onto I-35. Not like when I was driving there around one and it was raining and people in Texas, and their driving, in the rain, geeze. There was a semi-truck stalled in the middle lane on 183 and you didn't know until you were right up on it. Traffic was moving so slow but as soon as someone in the other lanes noticed you or someone else needed over they'd speed up so you couldn't! Not only would they not let you over, but they'd speed up and be a complete ass about it. That's my biggest complaint, Texas drivers.

I don't know what happened, but I got home and was just sad. Just quietly cry to yourself sad. I don't know if it was because my visit was over or because it made me miss those people I had in what seems like a past life, or the fact that ever since I was fired I've gotten these plans, took a deep breath and made a decision that things were going to be fine and that I could make my circumstances work, and then something just throws that wrench in and when I was trying to make a bad situation better that wrench makes it impossible to even settle. I try to just say oh well and move on, but sometimes it's hard. Sometimes you have to just let yourself cry a little, play sudoku and talk to two people simultaneously through text message to figure out that the saying you're not alone really is true and that the two people you're talking to actually have been right in the same shoes you're wearing and for hours of doing these things, you can finally turn off your light and fall asleep knowing that tomorrow is a new day.

And very appropriately 'Float On' by Modest Mouse just popped up on my playlist and I smile. And just to top it off, this is me when I'm 89 years old.

Sunday, February 28, 2010


I always sit here trying to get the beginning just right. It's like everything else in my life, if you can just get me started, it's normally hard to get me to stop. It's that getting started that always trips me up or postpones the event from beginning. I woke up changed the wax melts in my Scentsy burners to lilacs and violets and hopped in the shower. I wasn't in the best mood this morning, afraid I'd waste a day just wondering what to do with my life instead of actually doing it, but once I got out of the shower and smelled the flowery aroma floating throughout my apartment I knew that today would be different. Today would be a wonderful start to my week and I could toss out any negativity that came about my life from last week.

Yesterday I went to a Creative Memories Premier Event. I'd gone to one last August, so when I got the email from Vicki about another one coming up I definitely wanted to go. You get to hear people's stories about why they became consultants for Creative Memories. While that might sound lame or boring, it's actually pretty cool because you get to hear a snippet of their life story, what motivates and challenges them. The even always includes tips from a photographer (sometimes several) about taking better pictures. I was reminded of some of the basics like zooming in and using natural light to produce more meaningful pictures. I also learned what ISO means and how it can help adjust lighting so that you don't have to use your flash. I'm pretty excited about refocusing me photography (the little that I do) on those three things to display my memories more beautifully.

The convention always gives you a goody bag for registering and coming to the event. Once I got home I curled up on my bed, dumped out my bad and set about organizing my new items and browsing through the newest catalog of supplies. One thing lead to another and all of a sudden I was on the floor digging through old photo boxes finding photos I'd completely forgotten about that haven't made it into an album yet.

Even since Grandma Molly passed away in January, I've been wanting to do something special with the pictures I have of her from Christmas. I know she doesn't look great in them, I know that's probably not the best image to remember her by, but they're very dear and close to my heart. Well last night going through all those photos (which are organized by date and event by the way!) I figured out what to do and started pulling out and labeling an entirely new pile of photos. This morning after my shower and with the scent of new spring in the air I set about writing a little note to go in all the envelopes I addressed last night:

I know I haven’t seen most of you since the funeral in January. As many or most of you know I lost my job just a week before Grandma passed away. I’ve done a lot of thinking, meditating and self-discovery during that time. I’ve also been trying to get a little more caught up on all of my scrapbooking. That included going to a convention with Alan’s mom just yesterday. As usual I got home from the event and felt the need to dig through my boxes of pictures that have yet to be scrapbooked. That’s when I got my next idea: a scrapbook of photos that highlight Grandma Molly. Now I’ve got quite a few, some have already popped up in other albums of mine, but I want this to be anything from family Christmases to birthdays, to just sitting around the house. Here’s where I need you all. If you have any pictures of her that you have copies of, if you don’t mind sending them to me either by mail or email (my email is, I could really make this album more complete. If you only have originals and don’t mind me borrowing them, I can make a copy and return the original to you. Please just let me know if it’s a photo I can keep or something I need to return. The album I’ll be making is a 12x12, so every picture should be able to fit just fine. Please help me do something meaningful that will help us all remember her more vividly.


I sent these out to my parents, my remaining grandma, aunts, uncles and cousins. Well, I guess I should say, I'll be sending them out tomorrow once I buy another book of stamps. It's a new project that will put a lot of meaningful memories into a book lots of us can enjoy instead of being stuffed and hidden in a box where they're easily forgotten. I didn't put any kind of deadline on them because I don't want to rush anyone and frankly I have plenty of projects I'm trying to finish up before I need to start another, but it's nice that I have a plan for some of the clutter that needs to be kept and not tossed. I hope I get more photos and responses, maybe even a couple of stories to put in the album from other family members. There are a lot of things I didn't do while she was still alive and I was in college. Instead of piling on regret, I'm going to take all of that energy and turn it into something beautiful. I think it'll be pretty great.

In the meantime I've been crocheting babies as my Grandma called them, meaning stuffed animals. I guess she called them that because I always had at least one with me when I traveled and always a mountain to put on my bed when I made it in the morning. I still have 5 trash sacks full stored away under my bed until I have a little girl of my own when I can cover ceiling kissed shelves with them for her to look at (and maybe one or two to play with as well). While I was informed that I cannot sell anything I make from a bought pattern (who knew?) I've still continued to make them because they're incredibly adorable and I've gotten some great ideas to create some of my own.

Plus they make great gifts whether they're original or not because they are handmade. I'll start making my scarves and hats again soon so that I can have a huge stock for the cold weather. Those I can actually put in my Etsy store, so it'll be exciting to share my artwork with the world. I've also almost finshed my first "nap blanket," which is my favorite size to lay on the couch with or curl up under with a book and cup of tea. I haven't decided if I'll keep it or give it away to a family member. I'm probably leaning towards the second since I can always make myself another one.

While exploring around the Etsy world I found Steampunk Rings and descovered a name for a genre of things that I've always loved.

While I absolutely adored a particular watch and a bizarre little ring from them, I discovered all sorts of other neat little things.

I just love these little dog treat jars. You can get them from WhiteWashSundries with any breed inscripted and it's first initial on the top of the jar too! I really want to get one for my little Edward.

Of course I'm a total bag girl *which is the younger more hip version of a bag lady* and adore all sorts of totes and purses. I found several that I really adore and love the fact that if and when I am finally able to purchase one or two I'm supporting someones love and dream of being creative and doing what you love for a living.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

It's Been Too Long.

December 24th - Christmas Eve

Coming home from my aunt and uncle's in Ft. Worth seemed like a good idea at the time. It was snowing and there was a possiblity for ice, but it was only 4:30 and not yet dark. Uncle Bill scraped any ice or snow off my car, my sister and I got in, turned the heater on and hit the road. The first two corners I slipped slightly, but the neighborhood streets are always the worst and least traveled. Getting on the highway was ok at first. I just needed to get home, 30 minutes away, probably closer to an hour in this weather, and then I could let little Edward outside and fix dinner. The onramp to I-35W had other ideas.

Let me tell you Oklahoman's don't know how to drive in snow and ice and Texans are even worse. They don't seem to understand that if you stop on ice you are probably not going to get going again until it thaws. So I'm just about to the peak of the curving slanted incredulously long ramp when the car in front of me slows almost to a hault. I have a nagging feeling I shouldn't be in the left lane so I start to merge into the right. Now some of you might be thinking, 'what the hell was she doing driving that Camaro in the snow?' Well it's my daily driver, the big hunk of beautifully curved metal in my life and it's weight seemed like an advantage at the time. What I wasn't thinking about was that all the weight is in the front of the car. The trunk and back end isn't nearly as heavy. So when the car in front of my decided that stopping was a good idea right before I was able to change lanes, the back wheels didn't get any traction. In one of those, 'I can't believe this is happening to me' moments, Astrid is slowly inching sideways with any pressure put on the gas petal.

Looking in the rear view mirror, we're not the only ones that have spun out. After the small line of cars behind us have passed, a new tiny little black sports car is now parallel to us, sitting horizontal on the bridge about 50 yards back, a long line of angry Texan cars trying to edge around it. The man in the huge olive green H-5 Hummer ignores my sister's plea for help, rolls his window up and continues down the icy road, while a few people are out of their vehicles helping the tiny sports car. A young sandy haired man rolls the window down to his white pick-up insisting that he promises to continue down the bridge but then come back and help us. After a terrifying probably 10 minutes of sitting on the ice bridge trying to figure out what to do, here comes our new sandy haired friend walking up the curve back towards us. The little black sports car is actually moving, comes to a hault behind us and gets out to help push, knowing the now all to familiar feeling of not wanting to have to hike home. Meanwhile my sister has Papa on the phone talking possibilities of a tow truck and walking down the highway from the direction in which we came to recruit more men salivating at the possibility of helping two stranded 20-something girls stuck in a '71 muscle car.

We've got 3 or 4 people at this point, but Astrid's not going anywhere but further sideways and there's no way these guys can get a grip on the ground let alone push the car. A heavy set man in a huge four wheel drive truck stops just ahead and to the right of our party, hopping out and yanking a long yellow band out of the pick-up bed and tells my new sandy haired friend to crawl under my car and 'attach it to anything'. With quite a bit of effort the truck pulls Astrid straight cause his truck to swing sideways. He offers Sandy a ride back to his truck and they skid off sidways down the bridge and to relative safety. All our little helpers have skated back to their cars, while Samantha and I attemp to move forward. The Camaro only wants to move sideways again so we stay put, engine running, Papa on the phone trying to pin our location and how we really didn't get that far at all so he can call a tow truck. I have insisted I'll pay for it, I don't car that it's going to be expensive because Astrid has forgotten how to move in the correct direction. It seems like we've been stuck on the bridge for at least an hour (when really it's mostly likely only been 20-30 minutes) and I see flashing lights in my rearview. I tell Papa a tow truck has found us, to wait on calling a tow company and get out of the car.

In reality it's a fire truck, with four firemen crawling out and one asking me questions about whether we were in a wreck, why we were stopped on the bridge and if either of us or the car were hurt. I completely butcher the explaination of what has happened but eventually get the point across. He tells me they are going to push me down and around the curve and that even though the rest of the highway is icy, I should be ok if we can just get moving. He translates the plan of how to get this going and I put the car in neutral. In hind sight it was similar to a parents coaching a cat out from a tree: 'you got yourself up there now get yourself down' as he coaxes my turns and braking to get the car around the curve. He tells me that the other guys have let go and I'm now moving on my own. A few last words of guidence and he says that he can't walk me down any longer, we're on our own.

Papa, still on the phone, determines our location as we stop in front of an exit and discovers that a tow truck is not an option. I'm either going to have to drive home or they are going to have to come try and get us, leaving Astrid on the side of the road. This last idea is even worse than the first to me for a number of reasons. Firstly being that my poor car will surely get rammed by several cars in the night on the increasingly icy roads, and second how are my parents going to get to us? I tell him I'm going to try driving forward and that the last mile wasn't too bad as long as we take it slowly. All the way to 820 it's like we have the plague because no one will get near us. I can't be happier with this revelation because I won't have to stop, risking not getting moving again, and there are fewer idiot drivers to skid out and hit us if they keep 30 yards away in all directions.

In what turned out to be a two hour trip, we made it to the apartment, I didn't strangle my sister, and sat on the couch to take a valume so I could actually breath as the aniexty attack I'd been suppressing finally started settling in. I thawed out my colorless and purple finger tips in the kitchen sink, while Eddie was estatic I was back and Samantha unfroze her tootsies in the tub. Spaghetti for dinner and Battlestar Gallactica in the living room until we finally fell asleep for the night.